A New Blog

Hey Everyone -

I've changed blogs (both purpose and place) come on over to wordpress and see!

My new blog is http://agapedoxy.wordpress.com/

My newest entries cover the top ten tracks 2000 - 2009 (in my humble opinion).

Sam

The Fall

Its autumn now,
falling all is dying
not bare yet but soon to be,
stripped of verdant life
their naked shame is seen.

Not long till all is dead,
while winter stalks autumns chill,
haunting autumn’s beauty
dark with devilish intent

What once was never more shall be
its time has passed
and is rotting in the ground
or trod upon its rustle sound.

And yet autumn’s dying cool
and winter’s deathly cold
each year make way,
with wild warmth,
for spring’s new life.

Jonathan Edwards on Happiness

"The first instance that I remember of that sort of inward sweet delight in God and divine things that I have lived much since, was on reading those words, 1 Tim. 1.17. Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory for ever and ever, Amen. As I read the words, there came into my soul, and was as it were diffused through it, as sense of the glory of the Divine Being; a new sense, quite different from anything I ever expereinced before. Never any words of scripture seemed to me as these words did. I thought with myself, how excellent a Being that was, and how happy I should be, if I might enjoy that God, and be rapt up to him in heaven, and be as it were swallowed up in him for ever!"

The Doctor on the Test of a Preacher

“There is no better test as to whether a man is really preaching the New Testament gospel of salvation than this, that some people might misunderstand it and misinterpret it to mean that it really amounts to this, that because you are saved by grace alone it does not matter at all what you do; you can go on sinning as much as you like because it will redound all the more to the glory of grace. That is a very good test of gospel preaching. If my preaching and presentation of the gospel of salvation does not expose it to that misunderstanding, then it is not the gospel.” – Martyn Lloyd-Jones

A Tilted Tree

There is a tree in my front yard half of which has been eaten from the inside out by termites. The tree leans to one side because of this and at least one half of its roots are no longer able to soak up nourishment from the ground. This deadness will never be recovered, the tree will always lean, and will always be partly dead. But the tree still grows, spreads, and provides shade. Death and life are often inseparably joined on this side of things - and yet life prevails.

Pride

C.S. Lewis once said to an old friend...

"During my afternoon "meditations,"—which I at least attempt quite regularly now—I have found out ludicrous and terrible things about my own character. Sitting by, watching the rising thoughts to break their necks as they pop up, one learns to know the sort of thoughts that do come.

And, will you believe it, one out of every three is the thought of self-admiration: when everything else fails, having had its neck broken, up comes the thought "what an admirable fellow I am to have broken their necks!" I catch myself posturing before the mirror, so to speak, all day long. I pretend I am carefully thinking out what to say to the next pupil (for his good, of course) and then suddenly realize I am really thinking how frightfully clever I'm going to be and how he will admire me...

And then when you force yourself to stop it, you admire yourself for doing that. It is like fighting the hydra... There seems to be no end to it. Depth under depths of self-love and self-admiration."

I was driving in the car today and this thought fell on me like Thor's hammer - I am more evil than I ever dared think, and yet loved greater than even my grandest dreams could put forth. I am loved with an affection so penetrating that it would plunge through the cold hard grip of the grave and with unspeakable power bring a man out of its grasp so teeming with life that death itself would be deemed forever defeated.

Grace abounds.

Learning to Love and Self Death

"I will do these things inside your love
However fragile is how broken it becomes
If I don't tell you how I'm feeling it's because
I'm still learning, but I will learn to love"

Thanks Ryan Adams (again). I thought when I got into this that the gratification would be immediate, permanent, and complete. It was what I was "passionate" about. We talk about that so much, "follow your passions" they say, "don't give up on your dreams." But now well into it, having pursued my passions I have found much pain. What I didn't know was that following my "heart" wasn't really that at all - it was ego-gratification. All of it was to pump fulfillment and meaning into my ever inflating self. God is a relentless teacher, and profoundly interested in deflating and ultimately killing of my self. Dang.

I have found myself dying quite often these days, and death is quite painful. I am just glad Jesus didn't say "if any man would come after me he must take up his pen and paper." That would have been a lot less painful. Turn out the cross is brutal and I feel the weight of it every day. It is only now that a new thought begins to emerge - perhaps the pain isn't God's absence, but perhaps its the pain of a lesson perfectly taught. I am starting to realize that I am not to do what I do for the gratification it brings but rather because it is the will of God (not the hyper-spiritualized voodoo-esque will of God, but the clear-cut black and white, written will of God). So to learn to do His will, to really love, I must first learn that love isn't about self-indulgence. The best way for me to learn that is to love without gratification, to serve without joy, to give without pleasure. I do this because it is right, not because it feels good. Then perhaps one day, in the words of Rilke, "I will live my way into the answer." Once my soul is sufficiently trained in this, is completely convinced that "there is only love," and once my ego is shrunk enough, then there will be joy, oh there will be joy. But not yet, I'm not ready yet because - "I'm still learning, but I will learn to love."